Reasons

So this picture is out of date now. We had baby Sianne for a week, had a week break and now we have Jessica with us. She is 18 months old and is a cute blond hair light brown eyed cherrub. I have been feeling lately like everyone thinks we are crazy and can't understand why we have taken another child into our family. Some people have said I am a saint. I think I would admit
to being crazy long before I would consider being a saint.
I know that I shouldn't care what other people think. But is causing me some stress and worry, so I thought I would try to explain here... at least for myself and for my children someday when they wonder. (if I was crazy that is, they know I am not a saint!)

When Jason and I were first married right around the time I was expecting Caleb, I saw a commercial for Foster/Adoption. They showed teenage children needing a home and family. It struck me at that time, the need these children have and how so many of us are so blessed that we should be able to give. I thought that we would one day look into doing foster care, but not at that time. Little did I know how my life would change in the following two years.

When Jason got sick and we had to rely on so many for help both physically and financially I leared alot about needs and giving and recieving. I haven't put all that I learned into words, but the feelings will always remain. Jason and I did discuss at length the fact that when we could we would repay all that was given to us by giving to others.

Then there comes the long old story of how we tried to continue our family. There is alot of old baggage there too, but the end result is that we began Foster care. I do believe Heavenly Father had a hand in it. We also at this time moved into our home. It was so much bigger than we were used to and we both commented that we would fill it up with children.

Well, we now have had 15 children and we have 5 currently living with us. They have all been my children since the phone call was placed saying yes we would be able to take them. I have had a certain attachment with each of them and a piece of my heart resides with each where ever they are. A little over a year ago, before Annie came to us, I was beginning to think about Joseph entering into school and what I would do with no children at home. I knew I could not just stay at home and be the duster of dust bunnies all the rest of my days, but defining who I would be or what I would do was so very illusive. I called it my mid life crisis. I love and miss teaching band, but my heart just wasn't in it like before. Plus I would not be able to juggle football games and such and stay with my family like I want. I know I could go back to school and become a nurse, but that idea still just doesn't sit right. A friend told me I should just get a fun job, like at a craft store or something. As I tried to make that fit, I realized that I have always wanted to make a difference in peoples lives. I feel like I did that with band. I gave kids options and broadened horizions. But now is the time for something else.

Well then we got the call and Annie came to us. She is a light and truely a blessing just as they all have been. We thought we were finished. And yet Jason and I both kept feeling like someone was missing. So we put ourselves back on the list. Throughout this time I have come to realize that this is my passion. I feel strongly that these children deserve a chance. They teach me so much and make me feel like I am not so indebt. Heavenly Father has given me so very much... more than I deserve and I feel no more deserving that those who have so little around the world. I would truely be selfish and ungrateful if I did not share. I have love to spare and room in my home, Jason has a good job that pays well. He was spared for a reason, and until we find out what is was Heavenly Father spared him for we will create a reason.... to help his children. I know that not everyone can do this job, and I know that not everyone should do this job. I don't judge anyone for not doing it. But I do know that I can do it and so I will.

We are waiting for all the court stuff to be over and we will then make Annie a permanent part of our family. We may or may not make Jessica a permanent part of our family, it is still too early to tell. We may or may not be done adding children to our home and to our family. I can't see the future. Sometimes we feel so old to still be changing diapers and having little ones underfoot. Right now however, this is something we can do, something we feel we are supposed to do, and Heavenly Father will help us.